Lack of Faith AND Pictures of BCW

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Lack of Faith AND Pictures of BCW

January 28, 2008 by danielward

Some things are easy to surrender, some things are easy to give up, but those dark things, the parts of us that delve deep into our heart, that reject the good news of the Kingdom of God, that clutch and cling to whatever strands of sin we nourish them with are much harder to deal with.

Temptation. Spiritual Weakness. Greed. Jealously. Idolatry. Hypocrisy, are some of the great difficulties that the Lord has wept upon time and time again as his people directly surrender and favour the shadow instead of the light.

I see so many things in myself, things that I despise and things I pray the Lord will change, I constantly resurrect the old self in denial by opting out of the difficult path. I realise that change, not just the easy change, must begin with me. The Lord has played his immortal part in introducing revelation to my sin, but now after three years of being under the headship of Christ it is time that the Lord has decided for this sinner to change not just his ways, but also his heart. All of it.

And for that I thank that Lord and declare freely all Praise be to him for the gift of grace, for without it I would not be able to stand for the wretch that I am. Thanks be to Jesus I can walk with my head held high, as the Lord sees the glory of his son, instead of the wickedness of a man.

So why do we, I, doubt in the glory of the Lord. In his providing mercy? What do I have to gain by worrying that he will not deliver me in a time of crisis. The Lord has spoken to me about many things, he has pointed out that I am no better than the Israelites as they wandered through the desert.

They had seen the wonders of God, the miracles he performed. I have seen Gods provision myself, personally, close and true. And yet, just like the Israelites I groan under the Lord, I doubt him. I ask where is my Mana? Where is my Water? Where is the Justice in this land?

I wonder, if Moses came from the Holy mountain and looked upon me, would he smash down the commandments given from God and scream “Where is your faith?”

I have no doubts that there are idols in my life, and my fear and worry is that with every drink I take, the water is tainted by its Gold.

What do I do?

I can only do one thing. Pray to the Lord. Praise him for Christ. Rejoice in the grace afforded to me by Gods sacrifice. Believe in prayer. Believe in deliverance from my sins. And tear down the idols that I hold so readily and so loftily.

Prayer works. Intercession is a must, and yesterday I received great joy in interceding by the leadership of the Holy Spirit for a preacher. The Holy Spirit led a time of prayer, carrying me upon his back to yearn for a leaping of joy, a shouting of praise, an un-containable excitement for the deliverance in the good news of the Gospel.

This was one of my first major experiences of the Holy Spirit leading, demanding, insisting upon prayer, on which the Spirit showed me his fruit.

And so, I’m always puzzled by my own self. By my own doubts. How long the memory is for hate, jealousy and lies. But when it comes to mercy, kindness and truths, why do I so easily forget the greatness of my God?

Below are some pictures of my time here at the Bible College of Wales. In them you will see my good friend and brother from China Ron, who is one of the most faithful people I have ever met in my life.